Dancing is a great thing. It solves so many problems that infect the current world. It is one of those things that is super beneficial in many areas of life- almost like meditation. These types of hobbies which are not only fun but solve multiple big issues for you are in the S-tier. Everyone should strive for engaging in S-tier hobbies for the simple fact that they are more time efficient than other things. The problem is that we don’t identify this S-tier hobbies that we should be spending our time doing and even if we do. We do not always have the will-power to engage in them. Just as how perfect knowledge of nutrition does not mean you will eat healthy, only that you could.

With dancing, you solve a few problems- you get physical exercise, mental health ( it is proven to be as effective as prescription drugs for depression ), you get social interaction and community ( something severely lacking in the modern day ), and if you are in a relationship, you get a powerful means of connecting intimately with your partner in a fun way. Not only this, but the confidence boost you get from being able to dance is incredible. The exercise is generally low-impact and it emphasizes on balance and coordination. It is so effective and in a perfect world, everyone would be dancing in their favorite style. Dancing ranks up there with yoga, meditation, and strength training in terms of physical benefits.

The problem is that after getting into a relationship, my enjoyment of dancing decreases exponentially. I want to like it. I know how helpful it is to me in many areas and yet, I have had nearly no desire to go and have actively avoided it. The reason is simple, when you go dancing and are in a relationship, you are hit with two pain points that do not exist otherwise. First, I cannot socialize freely as I normally would. When single, I would go and dance and chat with whoever I was dancing with and try to build those connections. It did not matter if the dance partner was attractive or not but sometimes they would be. When you are in a relationship, you simply cannot be this lenient. You have to make sure not to dance with someone too pretty, you have to second guess your conversation to ensure you are not flirting, and you cannot feel safe that your partner will not get mad or jealous by the fundamental step of asking someone to dance. That is the first issue. The second issue is that you are now worries about all those same things that we just discussed but about your partner. Are they dancing with someone attractive? Are they laughing a bit too much? Is the lead getting to close to her? It is is therefore a two way attack from both sides that make dancing so much less enjoyable as a couple.

The goal is to be able to enjoy dancing again. In a perfect world, we would both have perfect trust in each other and even accept the natural level of intimacy that occurs with dancing. That is easier said than done. I have recently begun enjoying dancing again due to my emphasis on community rather than flirting. E.g., I go dancing with the prospect of connecting with my partner, whoever goes with us, and anyone we meet. This way it takes the reward from flirting and interacting with woman to simply building a strong network of relationships- even if it is only with my wife and step-sister. But there is even more we can do to enjoy dancing. If the goal is to make dancing as enjoyable as possible again we have to address the key pain points- jealousy on both ends.

The problem is that jealousy is a hard emotion to control and it is also sometimes valid. Furthermore, it is going to require both people to work together on it. If you handle your jealousy but your partner does not, you will still have a problem. The key then is to start by setting some ground rules for dancing that ensures each partner knows what is and is not acceptable and we can clearly stay within those bounds. Start by understanding the inherent nature of dancing e.g., asking someone to dance, physical closeness, and connection. What is possible and not possible to make off-limits? For example, I think that we have to start with the fact that she will be asked to dance and I will have to ask someone to dance. This is non-negotiable since it is fundamentally part of the process. This has been a main sticking point for me. I feel like dancing was not fun because my parter would get asked to dance so she would get to have fun dancing with others but because as the guy I generally ask the woman to dance, I felt this was too forward and would not and therefore, not have the full experience. We can of course set some ground rules from the beginning about who we can ask to dance with and accept a dance from. If there is someone that makes your partner uncomfortable, as long as it is reasonable, they should be able to bring that up when setting the ground rules.

Next, to the actual dancing, it should be established that there should be no grinding. No sustained in-between the legs leading and no hands below the waste or on the chest. This goes for both people. Furthermore, there are no repeat dances so as to avoid making the dance too personal. One of the best things we can do is to wear or wedding rings clearly so there is no ambiguity up front. Furthermore, there should be some songs that are off-limits just because they are too intimate. Lastly, if the person does seem like a great person who respects the relationship and would make a good member of your community, we need to bring them to meet the partner and then we can exchange contact info, etc. There is a rule that the partner can stop a dance at any time for any reason if it makes them uncomfortable by some simple sign- although not sure what that would be.

Overall, the action item is to make a clear boundaries and rules book that we both understand and agree upon that will make it so we can enjoy dancing as it should be while staying within the bounds of what we are both comfortable with:

• People will ask her to dance and I will have to ask someone to dance. This is a natural part of dancing but we can start the night off by making some people off limits.
• Intimate contact and grinding is clearly not allowed- this would be pressing up against them, having hands near chest or below waist, and sustained close contact.
• Wear our wedding ring anytime we go dancing.
• Figure out if there are any songs that we want to make off limits.
• If we think the person is cool, we must introduce them to our partner to exchange information